wen ju love

i love office supply stores

i love i love i love them!  the tape! the paper clips!  the post-its!  the sharpies!  the binders!  the endless supply of different colored paper with different thicknesses (I could make so many stars!  or mini pointy pineapples!  or 24-cornered stars!  I will never fall asleep in class again!)  oh!  and the best!  the multi-functioning tools.. like the highlighter that comes with mini post-its that peel right off the other end!  so BRILLIANT!

ok fine… so i’m a little lame.. i mean… office max?  come on, grace

but my lame insatiable desire for beautiful office supplies can be fully satisfied only by taiwanese office supply stores

of course in chinese they do not bear the boring names which include “office” but instead they possess their own beautiful names and are hailed by all students big and small as a cool place to go…   (ok just kidding but a lot of students do go there! those are the only people i see there…. besides small screaming children…)

taiwanese office supply stores come in multiple floors… of course this is probably because space is tight in taiwan so stores have smaller plots of land to build on, but nevertheless this just enhances the office supply purchasing experience… instead of just seeing everything together at once, you, the excited customer, are saved from sensory overload and allowed heart-racing suspense as you escalate to each floor…

but for real… i mean these stores are incredible…

lead in taiwan does not just come in 0.5 and 0.7, it also comes in different weights (if you want to write lighter or darker) AND different colors (is that not way awesome?!)  the pencils themselves are also crazy!  there’s pencils that are about 2.5 inches tall, 2 feet long, as fat as a hot dog, super skinny, light, heavy, with crazy inventive lead pusher methods… there’s pencils that look like food, people, cartoon characters, illegal drugs, you name it and you will find it in pencil form at your local taiwanese office supply store

pencils, however, are nothing compared to the pens…

in every store there’s literally a wall full of little 3″x3″ cubby holes each stuffed full with pens in every color imaginable to the non color-blind, with thicknesses that go down to 0.005  (!!!!yes i’m for real!) .. .you could probably tattoo someone with one of those pens….   i think i’ve spent hours in front of the wall of pens before, in disbelief and brain overload, heart racing, endorphins racing, grabbing touching carressing.. ahem….

anyways…  i love pens

the second floors bring you to the stationary and the planners that are so unnecessarily cute and overly decorated with cute drawings and awesome engrish inscriptions such as: “Bears are cute and will be your friends forever, just like me.  I love honey!”  or “Go where the wind blows over rainbow free as flower in fields” or “I have something to say to you…”   the stationary also comes nicely packaged with a few envelopes and themed stickers… and i can never decide… i always stand there, hands already full with pens and cute-shaped tape dispensers looking back and forth at the endless options imagining the bundles of letters I was going to write my sister…  my friends…. my grandma…. that guy in that one class (maybe the ‘i have something to say to you…’ would work well for that) …. my fourth cousin with the goldfish….     yes, i would nod, yes I need a LOT of stationary in order to write letters to all those people… and plus! I won’t have another chance to get cool stationary for 5 years… I need to stock up!

and the journals oh man… i know i have a supply of journals that will last me until i’m 1023 years old, but they’re so pretty! they’re so cute! oh man and they’re so cheap! with the price of one stick of gum in america i could buy 3 journals here!!   I could take so many good notes! i could write so many awesome songs!

then come the stickers… the ridiculously awesome stickers in chinese that no one else will understand because all my roommates will be korean this year and then the cards… the birthday cards with the pretty glitter and the cute pop-up animals… and the bookmarks… and the bags… and the weird-shaped glass bottles for storing stars in (see? lots of people make stars)… and then the itty bitty staplers with the itty bitty staples…

and at the end i am left with a basket full (because at some point between stationary and stickers i ran out of hand/arm room and needed to sheepishly go hunting for a basket)  of office supply treasures and then the reality comes rudely crashing down on me…  i will not be able to fit all these things in my suitcase!  i also may not have enough money… but everything’s like 4x cheaper than in america so money’s not too much an issue… but i need to start elmininating things from my basket! the horror!  grace, really.  you cannot carry all this stuff out of the store with you…   fine.  but i don’t know what to take out!  alright.. let’s start with this hello-kitty shaped pencil sharpener… do you really need this?  don’t you already have a pencil sharpener?? yes.. but it’s not shaped like hello-kitty!  and i need the matching tape dispenser, glue, stapler, ruler and highlighter to go with it

and so on….

but i do end up reducing my basket a little bit

and then the check out

there’s generally a longer wait at the checkout because there’s usually only one cash register as is customary in shops in taiwan, so as i wait, i am still fighting the urge to run back and grab all the things i just cast away from my basket… and right as i’m about to break, it’s my turn….   and naturally, because i have a crazy amount of stuff (becasue well hey! i only go back every like 5 years.. come on) it takes the cashier girl a looong time to check out, and the people in line behind me stare…. the guy with the packet of 20 business envelopes… the lady with one humble bottle of glue (non-cutely decorated) and thin paint brush, the little girl with 2 sheets of stickers and a workbook… they stare at me… and whisper to each other… i wonder if they actually know each other or if my grossly enormous load of office supplies has been strong enough to forge a bond between 3 strangers….

but in any case, after I have sheepishly paid an abnormally large price for people buying office supplies in taiwan, and dashed quickly out of the store, I have my awesome office supplies

and every few days i take them out and look at them and play with them… and write a few journal entries with 17 different pens… and litter my journal with stickers… and tape paraphenilia (wow don’t know how to spell that word) to every corner of my journal… and then i pack them away carefully in my suitcase…

and once i come back home and take them out i realize… that it was so worth it…

because i love office supplies

 

we have a whimpery dog at my house

when we were younger, my sister and I really wanted a dog… i really wanted one…actually i would’ve settled for a hamster or guinea pig or bunny or iguana

but my parents refused… something about my mom being allergic to dogs (who in the world is allergic to dogs?!) and the whole too much responsibility bit along with the messing up furniture, dirtying everything… in fact i think they were very anti-dog

and i thought they’d be typical anti-dog asian parents for the rest of their lives, but out of nowhere they started dogsitting for the Burks’ tiny black dog

first time i came home and saw him there i was so confused (if this is supposed to be my birthday present, it’s like 10 years too late) but my parents now dote on this little black puppy (allergic, my butt!!)

and overnight they were transformed into dog lovers… they had endless conversations about the dog’s behavior… eating habits.. poop.. the works…

it’s kind of cute and i told them they should get a dog now that my sister and i are out of the house and so they can stop watching kids play in parks  <omg my mom takes videos of other kids playing… she showed me and i was like !!!!>

but anyways.. the dog is over at my house now and he’s adorable except that when you stand by him he goes into this toe-licking frenzy… seriously… no nook or cranny of your feet is spared.. and he does it to everyone.. .. that’s how you get athelte’s foot! or…. athlete’s tongue…

so this adorable toe-licking puppy also whines and whimpers like crazy! he’s tied in the eating area and whenever he’s there alone he starts this whimpering and barking and it really doesn’t stop… it just keeps going… late night early morning… whimpering whenever my dad is not in his sight… he loves my dad b/c my dad loves feeding him and taking him for walks

… i wish my dad loved feeding me and taking me on walks when i was younger… hahah but now he’s retired he has way more time and energy… i actually don’t know what he does with all his time.

however, today he dropped me off at the library so i could look for some more pcat material and went to go do some random stuff at verizon and meijer… and when he picked me up he told me he stood in front of meijer and passed out 50 free shopping bags- you know the “go green” kind…. with “save the earth” and “Be vegetarian!” and “master ching hai” printed all across.  And one guy he passed it out to came back to him and asked how he could help with the earth and my dad referred him to the 24 hour global Master Ching Hai broadcast which has videos about not eating animals and master ching hai preaching about love through saving animals because that’s what they say will stop global warming and usher in the “golden age of man”

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the first thought that crosses my mind when he tells me this (as is often the case when he tells me about all his religious endeavors): wow he’s putting me to shame… his devotion and discipline to what he believes is so developed… and if my God is the true God, should not I be setting the example for him, and not the other way around?

then i start thinking maybe i should print: “JESUS DIED FOR YOU, GOD LOVES YOU, and JESUS is coming back soon so turn to HIM!” on like 100 T-shirts and pass it out on some strategic street corner

but well that’s not a fantastic idea, and God works in ways that we don’t understand and more but that’s a whole other topic.

onto my second thought: dangit he’s at it again… more strengthened in his faith and putting it into action and i feel like the truth is slipping away and i’m frustrated.  So sometimes when he tells me stuff like this I try to have a conversation with him about God and Jesus and love and those conversations have probably been some of the most frustrating and painful moments in my life.

read through this last week and found it again today:

“He then said to me: “Son of man, go now to the house of Israel and speak my words to them.  You are not being sent to a people of obscure speech and difficult language, but to the house of Israel- not to many peoples of obscure speech and difficult language, whose words you cannot understand.  Surely if I had sent you to them, they would have listened to you.  But the house of Israel is not willing ot listen to you because they are not willing to listen to me, for hte whole house of Israel is hardened and obstinate.   But i will make you as unyielding hardened as they are.  I will maek your forehead like the hardest stone, harder than flint.  Do not be afraid of them or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house. “  And hten he said to me, “Son of man, listen carefully and take to heart all the words I speak to you.  Go now to your countrymen in exile and speak to them.  Say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says,’ whether they listen or fail to listen.”

….The spirit then lifted me up and took me away, and I went in bitterness and in the anger of my spirit, with the strong hand of the LORD upon me.  I came to the exiles who lived at Tel Abib near the Kebar River.  And there, where they were living, I sat among them for seven days–overwhelmed.”

—Ezekield 3:4-11,14-15

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

it is now 1:31 AM

got back from dai-wan yesterday… almost no jet lag… hopefully will continue

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listening to music… have missed it so and my heart is aching

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got glasses!  —

…. just kidding

was just trying on rebecca’s glasses.. but that’s potentially what i’d look like if i had glasses

i did get a haircut though… my self-performed straight across bang cut from two years ago, except done by a professional this time.. definitely look like i belong in asia.. or on a boat somewhere..

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SO did not want to come back to the work and the pcat and the apps and the blah

but here i am

..  i will wait on the lord

and breathe in deep

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the moderator band is left of the what now?

For the last few weeks I’ve been looking at this:

human heart

I’ve studied it, looked at it, held it, squished it, rubbed it, wondered what kind of disease some of their owners had, that made some look so beaten down and some so large.  I’ve inhaled deeply (involuntarily) its now-familiar  stench of formaldehyde and decay, and i’ve memorized it:

diagram of a heart

Right atrium, left atrium, right auricle, left auricle, right ventricle, left ventricle (everything’s just left and right.. simple enough), pectinate muscles, deoxygenated blood goes to the right atrium through the vena cava, oxygenated blood pumps out to the body from the left ventricle, pectinate muscles, trabeculae carnae, chordae tendineae, tricuspid valve, bicuspid valve…. write it down, say it in your head, write it down again, spell it right this time, say it again, describe what it does, write it down.  Lab exam tomorrow! must remember it!

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It’s interesting… studying anatomy… the body.. the insides of a human…. of multiple humans…  what you learn about everything…parasympathetic nervous system fires off some axons… left ventricle contracts, pushes blood, open valve, right contracts, opens valve, pushes blood  (or maybe i have that wrong.. more studying is definitely in order) and repeat.  And you have a beating heart… you learn it.. you learn about that hunk of muscle tissue keeping you alive and yet one look at this:

baby caitlyn

and all that knowledge doesn’t apply anymore…   how does it work?  how is it possible?  When we try to understand the miracle of God we find ourselves thinking we understand so much, and realize we know so little…

 

frustration management

i have noticed, especially within the last year
that i get really annoyed at people who are prideful and boast about things… and think: why can’t they be more humble?!
and i definitely should not because it’s not my place to judge and it’s just a bad idea in general… but i always catch myself getting frustrated at those people… especially when they talk and talk and talk…

all i’m thinking in my head is: whoa ok… you’re not that awesome… stop saying all these things about yourself and what you’re doing and how great you are…
and while i’m thinking these things i often stop listening…
which is cause for a great problem.. because in the end if there’s a question or some kind of response in order from me it usually results in an awkwardly silent moment in which my thought is: durrrrrrr……. definitely was not listening

so.. trying to figure out why(?!) has led me naturally… to the realization that I myself was very boastful inside… maybe not outside all the time- i think i have mastered a bit of the keeping-thoughts-to-yourself skill…. and throughout the past many years i’ve been trying not to be… and actually… the more i learn about God the more I really realize i have absolutely nothing to be prideful of… and the more I realize how absolutely pointless and fruitless it is to be prideful….
but i feel like shouldn’t this then help me be humble and less judgmental towards other people?
and if the answer is yes… then…maybe i’m not really making progress….so… how prideful am i really..?

I wish I knew how to not feel these things towards other people… i feel like it’s an action-consequence thing…
is it?

RANT over.
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it’s very cold outside… very very….
which is kind of good because i have been able to wear my hello kitty earmuffs… which are warm… however… when i wear my hello kitty earmuffs everyone wants to try them on… everyone including dirty boys with dirty hands…
i have a huge stuffed tare panda susie gave me for my birthday a long time ago in junior high? and i put it out on our couch… so whenever people come over.. they’re always all over the panda… including…. dirty boys.. .with dirty hands…. i think this last week someone ate a cookie or oily biscuit(s) or both… and then WIPED their hands on my panda… while i looked on in horror during a meeting… my panda has been sat on, layed on, balanced on someones dirty hair, farted on, burped on, hugged by people in dirty clothes and sandwiched between two men exuding too much love for each other… and now my previously very white and very black panda is now very black and very grayish…
i feel as though my earmuffs might suffer the same fate… though hopefully no one will eat biscuits and wipe their hands on my earmuffs…..

mood lighting for all those moments......

Our method of saving electricity in the hallway

 

how old am i really…..?

CONGRATULATIONS to Chris and Mel who brought Caitlyn Wong (aka beautiful child) into the world today =D babybabybabybaby!

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so about an hour and a half ago tonight at like 11:30pm I was walking to my apartment from the #8 bus stop… and it’s like a 2.5 block walk back.. which i walk everyday… most of the time around 11 and sometimes later and it takes like 3-4 minutes to walk. Since it’s been snowy, I walked on the street(and 18th street is kind of a medium sized road with some traffic… but not a lot especially later at night), along the bike path going the opposite direction as traffic so I can see what’s coming and because it’s brighter on the street and less shady than the sidewalks which are also more slippery and full of snow. So I was walking along.. listening to music.. and then a police car passed by.. and i thought oh.. i’m safe.. the police are driving by and then the police car stopped and did a U-ey and pulled up next to me, rolled the window down, and a policeman asked me how old I was…
it’s chicago, so I was like ok maybe there’s some shady police.. i mean.. i’ve never been asked by a policeman how old I was… so i answered “why…?”
and then he was like “well you look really young and we’re just checking curfew…”
and then i replied, “do I look that young?”
“how old are you?”
“i’m 21…”
“do you have I.D.?”
“yeah…..”
then he proceeded to enter my license info into the little computer in the squad car.. “where are you going right now?”
“.. to my apartment”
“you live around here?”
“yeah….right over there*pointed to less than a block away* *pause*… do i seriously look that young???!”
“yeah… well… i dunno.. once we pulled over this guy with his hood on and he turned out to be like 40…”
“seriously…?”

great work doing your job, po po…
“so we’re going to have to write a card saying that we pulled you over”
from walking… you pulled me over from walking and you have to write me up for that…. “so.. wait.. what?”
“we just have to write up a card for everyone we run through the system”
“…..ok….”
“how come you’re walking on the street”

“because it’s brighter on the street…. should I not be walking on the street?”

“no..no… just watch out for drunk drivers…”

then.. the two police officers in the car proceeded to take their time while one asked me my address.. phone number… and wrote it down slowly as i waited outside on the street in the wind… half a block away from my apartment… being pulled over by police because they’re checking curfew (since when do chicago police check curfew) and I look like i’m 12…

 

yea yea yea yea

You would not believe the way He touches me

He burns right through me

And I could not begin

Every word He said

He always knew me

The earth could never hold

this love that burns my soul

Heaven holds me

O Heavens holds me

 

tis the season for….

on the last night of onething, my sister took me out for dinner and frozen yogurt for my birthday in KC

and though it was freezing outside, it was perfect for yummo!

a whole wall of goody dispensers of cool ice-cream like flavors…

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<—- gingerbread, pumpkin, vanilla

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This reminded me of asia… however.. we’re not in Asia.. unless you really can spell preservatives like that… i stood there for awhile and was like: ….are there two ways to spell preservatives?

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school/aaiv/life/friendships/relationships/the future/the big block you get in puzzle fighter when your opponent gets like 30 combos in a row (usually accompanied by flashing red lights or the letters “K.O.” letting you know you just got mauled) is underway

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and i am just being right now.. trying not to do.. (in the words of a handsomehwang) and it is amazing… not because everyday is a frolic in the daisy field, but because He is, and therefore I am.

 

warmth in the freeze

“What you are transmitting is a fascinated heart, not knowledge.” -d.s.

we don’t know enough.. and it’s hard to say when we will learn enough to know “enough.” but that doesn’t mean before you get there don’t speak a word about the things on your heart…

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what we are trying to share aren’t the statistics of 3rd world country hunger, human trafficking. What we are trying to share aren’t the details of God’s work from the beginning of time till now. What we are trying to share isn’t the number of disciples.. the places they went, the things they taught, the amount of people they saved, the miracles they performed.  What we are trying to share isn’t the timeline of the end-times, the description of destruction.

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If we didn’t know, if we didn’t have it, that’s not what we would want. That’s not what we’re looking for, either, when we sit there on sundays.. waiting. that’s not what we really want.. details.. because if we don’t have the heart of it what rubbish the detials become!

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what we’re trying to share is a fascinated heart–a desire, a hunger, a thrist, a craving to look for, dig for, frenzy after and figure it out yourself.

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lalala

i have a paper to write lalala

and i don’t want to write it lalala

because i’m done with school lalala

but it’s for research lalala

and i didn’t know it was due last week lalala

but i still got credit for the research lalala

so i should still write it lalala

and i keep trying to write it lalala

but my mom keeps wanting to play with me lalala

and feed me food lalala

and talk to me lalala

i love moms lalala

except when i’m trying to write a paper lalala